It appears to be a historical coincidence that you live right there, in that place, during that era, among those conditions, within that body. Couldn’t you have been anywhere else? Came out of a different womb, lived another life, probably not having to endure the feelings, the pain, the thoughts in your head. Why you, why now, why here, why this? Do you know that feeling?
Asking yourself those questions is better than not asking at all. Once a person starts asking for the reasons for why they became that person, it means they are striving to become self-aware. You’re trying to figure this life out, try to understand what it’s all about. But the “why me” holds a different answer for everybody, and it’s rarely ever the answer we’d like to hear.
There is one thing, though, that all human lives have in common: They want to recognise and acknowledge themselves within themselves, pursue their dreams and grow. Many seek for themselves in others, they are looking for confirmation everywhere to find out what they are and what they are not bit by bit.
They flee from themselves, especially when they are young, searching for refuge in groups, in order to have a term to define themselves with. Craving for words told by somebody else before, finding themselves between the lines, taking what they read as the ultimate description of who they are and destined to become.
Only you seem to be the only one that “doesn’t know what’s going on”, and everybody else seems to have their life figured out. But the truth is that these people are so rare that you’re not even likely to cross paths with a single one of them.
Everybody has a story to tell, their very own story. And perhaps you should look at it this way: How on earth could it be a mere “coincidence” that you were born you? With all those things you went through, all the feelings you experienced? Looking back at your life and the reasoning for feelings and lessons you learned in life, you’ll find connections with things that happened to you.
People pushing you into different directions, how the contacts you made influenced you immensely, or maybe vice versa: You were an influence on people. Boy, and all those times you took the blame for something you hadn’t done! All those times you hurt somebody or didn’t want to admit you did wrong! All those hair colors you have had to see what suits you best, and the passion you used to have for some things that now have ceased.
The list goes on and on and on. For the record, no matter how small the thing you did or that happened to you seems to be, it meant something in your life, or influenced someone else’s, possibly without you knowing of it. Looking back, you realize there are many things you could have done better, and many people that you’d never ever get close to anymore. And becoming aware that all these things shaped you to become the person you are today is the first step to growing and becoming self-aware.
But you being you is not an excuse for other people to put you down. If somebody humiliates you, persecutes you, makes your life hell on earth, tries to shut you out or belittles you, you have absolutely no reason to blame yourself for it. Just because it happens to you doesn’t mean you deserve it. What you deserve is to distinguish between who you really are and what others claim you are.
Only the words you’re allowing to touch you are the ones becoming your reality: What you think you are, you become. You could say negative things happening to you are your test in life, the results show you how easily words and deeds can affect you, if in some situations you rather maintain a pokerface or are loaded with fury, fear or sadness, and they teach you a lot about the other person/other people involved as well.
The more pieces of the puzzle you’ll combine, and the older you get, the clearer it will dawn on you: Your route in life is predestined. There is something within you screaming, trying to break forth, what is your ache and urge in life. And no matter how gravely people have shaped you and how much you’ve changed in life, this one thing is inexorable.
And you won’t find it anywhere else but in you, you have to take hold of it and work it, nurture it. If you try to suppress and ignore it, you will live a lie your whole life. This very special fire in you is what keeps you alive and makes you understand why in the end, it does all make sense and why you’re here.
Maybe you have yet to figure out what that thing is, maybe not, but one thing is for sure: You wouldn’t be yourself, there, and alive at this time if it didn’t make sense. Even if you don’t understand yourself, don’t know what you want, then there is still somebody out there who couldn’t be happier that you’ve said that one special thing to them, even if it is something that would have sounded mundane to you, that possibly changed their whole life in a positive way.
Or that you were there for someone when nobody else wasn’t. You possibly let someone question their actions, showed someone that they did wrong and thus helped them know how to become a better person. They are too many things to count that you’ve provided to other’s lives and that the people around you have provided to yours or that you have learned yourself.
It is a large network of things, almost indescribable, that spreads throughout your whole life and other’s lives. You and your (social) environment are linked in some way, everything you do triggers something somewhere else or helps you get further, and vice versa.
There are no coincidences, there are no punishments of a higher force trying to destroy you, and there is only you and what you make from your situation, the network, and your inner force that determines your passion and your authenticity.
In all our improvisation within this intricate network, our bustle and agitation, sometimes one needs to sit down and become silent, only to realize that everything makes sense.